Evil comes in waves.  It catches you off guard, like a rogue wave suddenly breaking through the rhythmic beat of the sea.  The wave that sweeps your feet out from under you is a bundle of disappointment, insult, hurt, and rage.  The sins of others in your life tear your heart apart in an instant with  words that wound, without apology and without warning.  Such a storm of hurt that floods over you, causing all defenses to rise—self-preservation and setting boundaries aren’t so wrong after all.

The pain caused by the sins of others in your life is widely understood. Jesus himself said: “It is inevitable that things will come that cause people to stumble. But woe to the person through whom they come.” (Luke 17:1)

Cause to stumble?  It may sound mildly phrased compared to the deep hurt that fills your heart.  Is it really just a metaphor for a brick in your path that makes your toe bleed?  Or is it rather what the Greek word implies—a trap that causes your soul to bleed and your heart to writhe in pain.  It’s both, of course.  It’s astounding how offense can take root in your thoughts.  It quickly becomes a pattern of thinking developing into a stronghold in your mind and begins to dominate your thoughts.

We can actually be grateful that Peter spoke so impulsively.  He certainly often spoke without thinking, but in the case of forgiveness, he may have thought deeply.  Peter’s question to Jesus about how many times to forgive is truly insightful, as he thought he was being quite generous.  According to the Rabbis, one should forgive their brother three times, and the fourth time was unforgivable.  

However, Peter attempted to surpass the standard by offering seven times—double the rabbi-requirement, plus one to appear especially grand. But Jesus’s answer completely pulls the rug from under the disciples’ feet.  Seventy times seven, He says.  The entire concept of limited forgiveness is entirely destroyed.  It implies that there should be no limit to forgiveness. Jesus’s answer suggests a lifestyle of forgiveness—an ongoing attitude of forgiving, emphasizing that we should never stop forgiving.  To reinforce this principle, Jesus tells the parable of the unmerciful servant. (Matthew 18:21-35) 

In this story, a servant is forgiven a massive debt of 10,000 talents (around $3 million) but refuses to forgive a very small debt of 100 denarii (less than $10) owed by a fellow servant.  The grossly contrasting debt illustrates how much we have been forgiven by God and how it compels us to forgive others, no matter how significant the offense against us feels.  The point here is that the debt we owe to God is infinitely large and unpayable, yet He has forgiven us.  Our debt had enslaved us, just as the servant’s debt would cause him and his entire family to be sold into slavery.  This was often a lifelong punishment. 

Human sin cost the life of God’s Son—Jesus died for us.  Therefore, in the  light of the great forgiveness we have received, we must forgive the smaller offenses of others.  Nothing we are asked to forgive even comes close to what we have received from God. 

Jesus emphasizes that our forgiveness toward others is a prerequisite for God’s forgiveness.  He states it clearly in the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy” (Matthew 5:7), and in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.” (Matthew 6:12) 

To make sure we understand this phrase in the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus emphasizes further: “If you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their offenses, your Father will not forgive your offenses.” (Matthew 6:14-15) 

C.S. Lewis emphasizes in his writings that forgiveness doesn’t come easily or naturally, but rather that it is a spiritual discipline that must be learned.  To forgive means to continually release the pain and resentment we experience, even when it resurfaces in our memories.  Lewis notes that it can be helpful to recall our own mistakes when we struggle to forgive others. 

In Luke, we read that the disciples asked for more faith.  It’s as if they realized their own inability to meet Jesus’s standard.  Unforgiveness is compared to a spiritual abscess that poisons the soul.  It is a toxin that hinders our relationship with God, blocks our prayers, and causes us to deteriorate spiritually. 

Forgiveness is the only cure, difficult though it may be.  It requires a life completely surrendered to Jesus and sometimes requires the inner healing of the Holy Spirit for the deepest wounds. 

James 2:13 reminds us: “Judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” It is love that covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), and love that brings reconciliation and peace where there is conflict. (Proverbs 10:12; 17:9)

On the lord’s prayerWe believe that God forgives us our sins; but also that He will not do so unless we forgive other people their sins against us. There is no doubt about the second part of this statement. It is in the Lord’s Prayer; it was emphatically stated by our Lord. If you don’t forgive, you will not be forgiven. No part of His teaching is clearer, and there are no exceptions to it. He doesn’t say that we are to forgive other people’s sins provided they are not too frightful, or provided there are extenuating circumstances, or anything of that sort. We are to forgive them all, however spiteful, however mean, however often they are repeated. If we don’t, we shall be forgiven none of our own. [CS Lewis]

The parable of the unmerciful servant teaches us the immeasurable value of God’s forgiveness and the calling to forgive others.  When we forgive, we sing in harmony with God.  We cannot do this by our own strength—we must rely entirely on the Holy Spirit to live out this discipline of forgiveness.

Micah 6:8 beautifully summarizes this: “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? 

To act justly and 

to love mercy and 

to walk humbly with your God.”

God promises to bind up and heal your wounds.

“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted.” (Isaiah 61:1)

It is always better to rely on God’s healing than the fleeting and false satisfaction of holding on to a grudge. Think of what you miss out on.

The consequences of unforgiveness in our lives are severe.  It blocks the channel of blessings that flow from God’s act of love on the Cross.  This is almost too terrible to think about.  Reflect deeply and choose the path of forgiveness.  It is worth it in every way.  The Lord knows what wounds you, He knows your pain, and He is able to heal and protect you, no matter how severe the attack against you.

Let us read Lewis again:

He knew that offenses come to each of us regularly, and that we are prone to rationalize and justify our unforgiveness of the offender. He also knew that when we do so, we erect a barrier of sin between us and God which blocks our own forgiveness, as well as our prayers and fellowship with him, and leads to backsliding. Unforgiveness is a spiritual abscess that poisons the soul, the only remedy for which is forgiveness, no matter how difficult.